OM HEALER (Self soul portrait) oil on canvas
The last three months have been a crescendo of grief, fear, inner turmoil, confusion with many delicious dips into the cool pool of remembering, an urging from my soul to remember my inner truth, and tickles of excitement. Something BIG is happening inside of me and outside of me. I am living through an inner/outer contraction of mammoth magnitude! The global pandemic initiated the contraction.
I remember when I went into labor with each of my sons, and how the powerful force of creative mayhem would enter my body — the contractions ensuing that would give birth to my beloved child, from formless to form, my long awaited progeny. A contraction is painful, intense and downright terrifying. It carries with it the realization that there is no going back. This baby is going to be born and in the act of its emergence, will ravish my body, ripping me open both physically and emotionally.
When the labor of birth began my body would shake uncontrollably. There is nothing controllable about birth. It is the wild force of nature propelled by the creative Source of all Life. The best that any of us can do in the wake of Birth, is to surrender, allow and breathe. No matter how much you prepare, when the moment comes to bring life into the world, you are ushered into the deep, dark mystery of the Unknown.
There is no other metaphor that holds the power and essence of what I am wanting to convey right now. For as I feel it, see it, know it, we are in a massive collective contraction. We are steeped in the chaotic power of a creative force that is squeezing us, calling us in, calling us out, ripping us open. It is indeed terrifying and extremely exciting. My little beki, my human mind is freaking out! But my Soul is fucking stoked. My Soul is feeling the fullness and fierceness of the moment. My Soul does not know the fear that my human self carries. She is not fearless, brave or courageous. She is fucking fierce and dared to come back to this wild world of chaos within this small brown body, in a time when folks are waking up to the atrocities that systemic racism has wreaked on black and brown bodies for centuries. My Soul knows something that I am just coming to integrate. She knows that I am Safe.
Just take that in.
You are safe too. We are all safe.
Yes in the midst of a global pandemic, and now in the middle of the revolution for evolution spurred by the demonstrations protesting the murder of George Floyd by a police officer. Like wild fire, the demonstrations have spread throughout the country and across the world. We are demanding that Black Lives Matter. It is an eruption of all emotions all at once: horror, disgust, anger, rage, despair, terror, hopelessness, possibility, connection, isolation, intolerance, excitement, love, passion and purpose, exhaustion and on and on. I have felt many of those emotions.
Fear and despair tend to be where I go first when I am emotionally triggered — with both the pandemic and the Revolution. I entered into both contractions with an intensity characteristic of my personality, and as I processed the information that was coming from out there I inevitably would find myself redirecting my energy in here — inside.
Through my own spiritual journey and evolution I have come to understand how important it is for me to tune in to my Soul’s voice, and connect to the Divine Source of ALL life so that I may experience life with clarity and know my place and purpose within the world. For the last two weeks as I delved into the feeling initiated by my focus on the tremendously powerful movement for Black Lives, I ventured out into the world of matter. I felt the fullness of the external world and all the many reactions to it in my energy body and physical body. That is what I do. Perhaps you do too. It is a curse and a blessing. They call people like me empaths. It is exhausting and heart-breaking.
Yet there is a profound alchemy that happens when one learns to work with these energies. This is something I am definitely feeling happen in me right now. Each day I enter into a dialogue with my own Inner Guidance and I am offered tools and insight to navigate the outer and inner terrain that will be most beneficial for my evolution and support my unique offering to the collective.
I call this work, sacred activism. When I enter the sacred work of communion with the Divine, I alchemize the human dimension of emotion, thought, belief into an elixir of Beauty. What is born from this inner journey of deep connection with the Love that is the very essence of Life, is an expression that arises from the formless. It is unique, alive, personal and universal. It is grounded in the frequency of Love and it feels clear, powerful, joyful and unconditional.
When I emerge from this inner realm I am born again, awakened and enlightened. I become full of Presence and feel tuned in to the present moment.
This is the energy that I am able to bring to the world of form, when I have taken the time to go within.
For the past two days I have been painting a soul portrait, which requires me to enter into the formless, unseen, infinite field of the Divine. In this process, I open, trust, allow and surrender so that the impulse of this Soul can move through me to create a painting that becomes a tool for my client to re-member and awaken to her Divine Self.
This is how I create. I create form from the formless. I do not focus on what is, and use that as the inspiration for my art. I enter into the dark womb of creation and let it emerge through me into form, as color, shape, energy, vibration made visible. Just as I did not make my sons, but allowed the seed of life to be planted in my womb, to grow and be born through my very body, so that the Soul of my child could be embodied. This was not a conscious choice, but a sacred agreement between my own soul and theirs.
Now, I sit in the midst of a world that is seemly falling apart, at a tipping point, on the brink of extinction or the brink of ascension, depending on how you see it. Entropy or expansion. Terrifying to the mind, exhilarating to the Soul. How do I proceed? How do you proceed?
My Soul is clear. She tells me that I must create from the void. She tells me this is MY way. I am nudged to sit in stillness, tune in until I feel the fullness of Life and Love enter my being, and then steep in it a while longer. My Soul urges me to move beyond the emotions, after giving space for them to be felt and then to feel what is in that space beyond. I may not be able to see it, but I can feel it. She tells me to go where I go when I create art, when I give form to the formless beauty of Soul, Spirit, Love. She reminds me that this is not separate from the world of form, or the human experience, but it is the very Source from which it all came. It is the Mother’s womb of humanity. Spirit and Matter are one. But spirit is the source of creation, while matter is the creation. If you want to create something new, you must stop focusing on what is already manifested! Let the manifested only be the source of inspiration to ignite the new work of art.
You see we are all mesmerized with what is already manifested in form, in matter, in the world. We are driven by the manifestation and strive to change it from the dimension of form. We are matching our inner vibration with the vibration of what is already created, when now, more than ever, we must generate a new vibration that becomes the force that creates a new creation, a new reality! That new vibration must be cultivated within each of us first and then we can band together energetically with other creators who are doing this inner sacred activism to affect change from the inside-out.
Some of us will envision a new earth, a new expression of humanity and the way in which we interact with each other and all of life. Some of us, like myself, will feeeeeeel into a new frequency of Love, harmony, joy, freedom, clarity, empowerment, and embody that energy.
Some will go within and be inspired to create some form of art that reflects the frequency of the new expression of Beauty we desire to see and feel in the world.
Do not underestimate the power of this inner work. Do not mistake this removal of attention from the conditions of what is to the Infinite field, as ‘burying your head in the sand’. While this is certainly a coping mechanism for many humans living right now, it is not what the sacred activists are doing when they leave the outer world and enter into the fertile ground of the formless dimension.
It is profoundly creative work, and requires intense focus and commitment. Yet, it is infinitely more kind to myself, as an empath, to follow the current of my own Soul, and leave the abrasiveness of the manifested world, so that I can feel and create the Beauty that heals.
It is easier to go downstream and infinitely more productive and beneficial to myself and my community, when I allow myself to do what I know I am meant to do in this moment in time.
I share my own process with you today, even as I continue through the twists and turns, the contractions and expansions, the despair, fear, joy and clarity, to offer you this:
Follow your inner knowing.
Know your medicine, your gift, your way that is most natural, true and real to you.
Bare your Beauty!
Allow yourself to be yourSelf in all this craziness.
Do not let anyone else tell you how to be in the world right now. Only You know!
It is okay to find Peace inside before working towards peace outside. When you feel safe, you have access to joy, and then you walk out in the world and become a vector of joy and love. So do whatever it takes to remember and realize that you are safe. For me, this is core and the frontline of my inner work.
Some of my tools for alignment:
The vibrational medicine of flower essences
fasting from social media and the news
Writing and receiving guidance for the Akashic Records
Walking in nature
Reading and watching inspirational material
Follow your inner guidance and if you don’t have a relationship with this Inner Source of knowing, love and wisdom, find a way to develop it. Plan to meet up with her/him/You every single day and I promise you, you will fall in Love! For this is who you are, my dear beloveds.
You. Are. Love.
And I love you.
So if you choose,
BE the vibration of Love and it will be reflected back to you in the world you inhabit.
Stop being afraid, angry, hurt, intolerant…
Be LOVE and this is what will BE.
In Reverence, Love, and Oneness